Temper Tantrums

It would be easier if only one of them is having temper tantrums, and then I just can promptly deal with the one emergency. The reality is that the twins are competitive even during the "crisis", they will be crying and kicking at the same time. It is hard to deal with both of them at once, so prevention is the way for me to go.

My kids need to have their regular routine and schedule for their busy life. If the routine is disrupted or broken somehow, it sets off their temper tantrums.

For David, the obvious thing is if he does not sleep by 9:00pm, he gets very sleepy and irritable. David would be crying and kicking for something ridiculous such as, his twin brother, Tom does not share the pillow or he wants to watch TV. I used to calm him down by holding and walking him around. It is getting difficult doing this as he grows bigger. Now I try to talk to him out of it by pretending. David is a silly kid and has a good sense of humor. So I can pretend to be a crocodile and speak to him in an “old”” rusty” amphibian voice, and he will laugh and forget the angry. He is sneaky, so we do not reward him for any of the bad behaviors because he would do it again for the rewards.

For Tom, hunger is the thing to set off his temper tantrum. He is a very active boy. Most of time, he plays so hard and forgets to eat even with food in front of him. If Tom is hungry, he is irritable and picking on his Twin brother. He bits and pinches David sometime for nothing. Tom is a very sensitive little kid. It does not go very well, if we send him to the corner to chill out. He would be crying and kicking. We will speak to him in a serious tone and explain to him what the consequence is caused by his bad temper. He cries but he would express apology. Tom seems to be more responding to adult-like conversation.

Neither of Tom nor David would throw things but crying alone is scary enough to me. To eliminate the possible unnecessary episodes of tantrums, feeding two toddlers becomes my daily obsession. I ensure that they eat well and sleep well every day.

The other things could impose negative effects on their tempers are:

1. Bad communication: David would get very frustrated if we do not understand what he wants. His language skills are still developing. He has no problem to understand us or other people. But his pronunciation is not so accurate; it is easy to get lost if we do not know what the content is. I often seek help from his twin brother if I cannot understand him. It helps if I ask David to show me what he wants or point out the things directly to avoid frustrations. It is understandable that it is extremely disappointing that he cannot express himself freely. His Daycare teacher also find it is a problem sometime that she cannot understand him. We can only work for our best right now and help him to better develop his language skills.

In contrast, Tom is a linguistic “master”. Tom can say very complicated sentence with many adjectives and adverbs and he says things clearly. They may look like brothers, but they are so different in nature. We would need different strategies to help them grow and to be happy.

2. Loss of toys: Toys are the center of their universe. My kids do not have a habit to place toys back to where they belong. They leave them somewhere, and if they cannot find them, it seems to be the end of the world. They are so sad. To organize their toys, we purchased multiple compartment organizers to hold their treasures. We try to keep up with the trials of toys, but they would need to learn to organize their toys. “No more new toys” we told them, they seemed to be disappointed but it does help a little bit.

3. Other frustrations: Frustrations set off their temper tantrums. For example, if they cannot play the game such as Wii, only Dad can do it, and they feel frustrated. They also love buying Lego, however, neither of them could play. Once again, Daddy needs to assemble them. If they keep trying and cannot do it, and then David usually gets very irritable and on the edge of temper exposure. We try to stop things before they get out of control. Even during the reading, if we insist asking Tom the alphabets which he cannot recognize, he gets frustrated. Therefore, we avoid the occurrence of frustration to eliminate some of the temper tantrums.

4. Climate control: I had never realized that temperature affects one's behavior until now. David does not like "heat" at all, he would prefer to wear minimal clothes even in the winter time. If the temperature is not in his comfortable zone for a while, I can see his face turning very red and behavior becomes radical. He would take off his clothes and start running and jumping in the house. If attention is not given to him right away, he will irritate his brother to get the attention he wants. Because his twin brother does not like to be cold, so we lower the thermostat in the house to 67 degree (it was 72 before), and have the fireplace on for Tom. So at least, Tom can sit comfortably next to the fireplace while David runs like a mania at home.

Competitive yet, Loving and Caring

Sibling rivalry and conflicts seem to be fairly common in all families. Brothers and sisters fight, but the thing is that they swing back and forth between detesting and adoring each other.

For my little two, they flight for toys, flight for attention, and flight for being "the first". We bought different toys for each of them, and they flighted for "one" toy and ignored the other "one". We bought two same toys with different colors, and one of them would change his mind. They flight for the same color. We finally bought two identical toys, and the situation did approved,; but sometime, they were still fighting for the "one" toy.

If you think "Fighting for toys is bad", conflict in attention is even worse. We try not to have favoritism at home, but they may still feel to be left out sometime. Because there are two of them all the time, I only have two eyes, one mouth and two hands. I can only look at one at a time if they are in different direction, as often it is the case. I can only respond their questions or requests one at a time. I have been trying to hold both of them since they were born. The reality is as they grow big, I cannot hold both of them at the same time anymore. I have tendinitis, the injury was resulted from holding both of them at the same time. It is really painful sometime, but I would do the same again. It would be so hard for me to choose one of them but not both of them to hold when they cry. Now my baby twins have turned to toddlers, the demand for attention is even increasing. We try to be fair and respect their individual needs, but it does not always work. We will continue to try our best.

Fighting for being the "first" is curable. They have been asked to take turns in their entire life. They started learning it since they were born. David was taken out first by doctors in a C-section procedure and Tom had no choice to be the second child by 2 minutes. It is good to be the first sometime, but it becomes not so important for them gradually. Both Tom and David realize that they would get their turns many times and it does not matter who is the first.

Twins tend to compete with each other. Crying for attention is one of the competitions, one would cry louder than the other if he feels he is not getting the way he desires for. They try to be the only one. Tom started to crawl at 6 months and kept practicing daily. In the other hand, David had no interest of learning crawling and had not moved his feet at all. At the day Tom was able to cross the room, it somehow inspired his brother. Next day, magically, David was trying very hard to drag himself to the other end of room and he did. His one-day achievable crawling style is not convectional and it is not as articulate and elegant as his brother. But he did it by using his hands to drag his body. He crawled like as a wounded solider with all the dignity and proud.

Despite the flights and competition, my twins do adore and care for each other. It is the most wonderful experience I has witnessed. We have taught them to be loving and caring for each other and for other relatives since they were babies. They would need to hug us and each other before the bed time, every morning when they get up and each time when they finish crying. They have been also asked to share all their toys, clothing, and food. After they become vocal, they were asked to say " I love you" to each other, to us, and to visiting relatives. My husband and I constantly remind them how much we love them and encourage them to care for others. I was not quite sure how much did they understood but we have still done it. We told them how wonderful thing is to being twins and to have a brother, and how importance is to support each other for life etc. Sometime, I am wondering if that is too much to speak to little kids.

I am not sure if our teaching has any influence on them or they were born with. They constantly show love and caring for each other in everyday life. For example, if I tell David, No... he cries. His twin brother, Tom will condemn me and ask me not to make David cry, and vice versa. They play with each other for a long time and look for each other whenever they realize the other one is not around. In their swimming lessons, David and Tom compete with each other to be the first one reaching the other end of the pool. However, if Tom loses his Kick-board, David will swim back to get the kick-board and send it back to Tom. My husband and I were amazed to see it happened in multiple occasions. In reverse, when David was learning how to swim and he was very afraid of water. If he cried in the water, his brother, who had more advanced skills, would hold him and swim him back to the edge. The depth of the pool (standard adult swimming pool) was taller than their heights; to me, it was extremely heroic and sweet. It brought tears to my eyes. I could give example after example, and I am so grateful to witness these wonderful things everyday.

Twins have special bond, and it will last forever.

Identical vs. Fraternal Twins

Identical twins come from the splitting of one fertilized egg and they have the same identical genes. These two babies develop from one egg which is fertilized by one sperm only. Therefore, identical twins usually look very much alike. In the other hand, fraternal twins are two babies developed from two fertilized eggs (with two sperms) . They have different genetic background, and they may look like brothers or sisters but not identical. So the boy-girl twins must be fraternal twins.

Ultrasound cannot always tell the identical vs fraternal twins. In an ultrasound examination, some identical twins have one sac if the splitting occurs later. It can verified as identical twins if two babies are in one sac. However, the identical twins may have two sacs and with one or two placentas if the split of fertilized egg happens in the very earlier of embryonic development. Fraternal twins must have two sacs and two placentas.

A single-sac of identical twins imposes a risk of pregnancy due to the possibe chance of umbilical entanglement and spatial restriction of two fetuses. The flow of nutrients and oxygen from mother to babies may be affected. Currently, there is no cure for this situation. Mothers of twins require careful monitoring, possible hospitalization, and early delivery. Twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS) is a condition that unequal blood flow between the two babies. One baby becomes a donor to the other. A special surgical procedure using lasers can correct the situation. Preterm labor and premature birth are the biggest risk associated with any multiple birth. Pregnant mothers should take care of themselves, keep regular exercise and a good diet habit to maintain good physical condition. In the other hand, frequent hospital visits would help to detect any problem before it becomes serious.

Some mommies may sense that they are pregnant with twins very early. Their body and mind may reveal the information. The other needs to be told by a physician. It does not matter which way you find out that you're pregnant with twins. It is always a blessing. The most reliable signs of twin pregnancy is detection of two embryos, two heartbeats at around six weeks of pregnancy by ultrasound. Detection of multiple heartbeats can be also heard by stethoscope at around 12 weeks of pregnancy.

The other physical signs may not be 100% accurate, since each woman is unique. There is no rule for how one should feel during pregnancy. The physical signs may include elevated level of fatigue, increased frequency of urination, increase in nausea and breast tenderness. Single pregnancy could have bad morning sickness as well, this is why they are not good indication of twin-pregnancy. Women who carry twins often have elevated levels of alpha fetoprotein, human chorionic gonadotrophin (hCG), which can be determined by a hospital visit.

Remove Pencil Marks from a Wall

My kids love drawing and painting. It is a growth process that kids learn colors and learn controlling their fine motor skills such as holding a pen and painting a fine dot. Every morning, their daycare gives them coloring paper to color them in the early morning free time. It is a very good thing for them to write, draw or paint, but just like everything else, they are full of enthusiasm but can be out of control. As they grow taller, they can easily get things including pens and pencils on the table and desk, and they paint their toys, tables, everywhere if we are not paying attention to them. We tried to restrict their drawing/painting/writing activities in their playroom which is covered by foam mates. We buy the water-washable markers for them to use, so it would be easier for us to clean the mess. However, the creative two love to express themselves freely and do not follow the instructions. They leave pencil or crayons marks on the white/cream colored wall.

I learnt a very useful trick from HGTV, a cable TV show dedicated to home improvement and decoration. The trick is to use white toothpaste (non-gel type) to clean the pencil marks. I usually wipe out the most of pencil marks with proper amount of toothpaste on a white, clean dry cloth, and then I use a wet cloth to clean the toothpaste and the remaining marks off the wall. Amazingly, it works pretty well and we do not need to go through complicated touch-painting. The other easy methods to remove pencil marks from a wall are to use a clean, white gum eraser or use baking soda.


For now, it is fine that we keep wiping off the paint. One of these days, we will need to repaint the whole house.

Children Friendly Airlines

Back in the day, child airfares were a standard 20 percent reduction of adults tickets. Currently, you do not attempt to get a reduced-cost domestic ticket for a child under 12. You can’t even get a break if your kid is under two sometimes. Family air travel is always a challenge. It is expensive and worrisome. Some airlines provide more friendly features to family than others that may reduce some headaches.

Several airlines, including Southwest, Midwest, and Alaska, discount fares by up to 50 percent for infants occupying their own seat. Some airlines supervise unaccompanied minors on flights for a charge (it may subject to age and other restrictions). Some allow babies under two to ride for free on a parents' lap. Smaller domestic airlines usually offer better accommodations to the family, however, some small airlines have limited destines; it is hard to get connections or the connection is longer if you are not visiting the major cities. The stops are not bad things for young children, they need to have flight breaks to walk around the terminal and entertain themselves between the boring flights.

The days of discounted kids’ fares to Europe, the Caribbean, and Mexico have also disappeared. If you are adventure enough and you are willing to take a oversea trip. Other overseas carriers do still offer discount to children, including fares to Africa, Japan, China, Asia, Australia, New Zealand Canada. For example, flights originating from New York allow kids under 12 years old flying to Kenya for less; Beijing, for 80 percent; and Tokyo, for 75 percent on both American and Japan Air. China and Eva airlines have child discount tickets to Taiwan and other cities in southern Asia. Continental has discounts in Canada: the airline’s Montreal tickets for kids under two cost 52 percent of the adult fare and to Toronto, 54 percent; similar flights to those cities via United, American, Delta, and Air Canada offered no discounts. Continental airline also offers senior discount for 65 or older family members in some of their oversea flights.

Lead-Paint Poisoning

The greatest risk of lead poisoning is to children under the age of seven. Their developing bodies and brains are most sensitive to even small amount of lead. The possible kinds of lead injuries in children include:

Brain damage
Loss of IQ and intellect
Neuropsychological deficits
Attention
deficit disorder
Organ failure

The lead injury can last for lifelong and affect greatly in child's mental develoment. In some extreme cases, death may occur. It is very important to make sure your child receives a blood-lead test at pediatric check-up and obtain immediate emergency care for any child who displays lead poising symptoms:

sluggish behavior
headache
abdominal cramps
loss of appetite
constipation
irritability
hyperactive behavioral
apathy
tremors
Seizures
Loss of
consciousness

Because of the severity of lead poisioning to young children, we were very concerning the safety of our home when we were house hunting. The law directed HUD (US department of housing and urban development) and EPA to require the disclosure of known information on lead-based paint and lead-based paint hazards before the sale or lease of most housing built before 1978. Also sellers must provide homebuyers a 10-day period to conduct a paint inspection and risk assessment for lead-based paint or hazards.

If you did not receive the Disclosure of Information on Lead-Based Paint and/or Lead-Based Paint Hazards form when you bought or leased pre-1978 housing, you could contact HUD at 1-800-424-LEAD (5323). They will provide all available informations and records.

Ear infection

Ear infections are one of the most common childhood illnesses. It is caused by bacteria or virus. It happens when fluid builds up in the area behind the eardrum and then the middle ear becomes infected. Babies are more susceptible to ear infections because the Eustachian tubes in babies are short and horizontal. In addition, babies lie down a lot, and then the draining of fluid in the middle ear becomes more difficult. The Eustachian tube triples in length in adults and it become more vertical in which fluid can drain easily. Therefore, adults have less ear infection compared to children.

It is known that pacifier use may increase the risk of middle ear infections. We tried taking the pacifiers away from the twins gradually in multiple occasions, but it was unsuccessful. They finally quited sucking at 18 months when we abruptly took away their pacifiers.

My kids got amoxicillin when they had ear infection. I asked the pharmacist to split the medicine to two bottles, so I can give daycare one for administration of the antibiotic during the day. We also gave them Tylenol to release the pain and fever. The fever caused by ear infection is relatively high and the fever stays if no treatment is given. It is very painful for the little ones, they throw up and cannot sleep at night. I tried giving them pillow to lift their head for better draining in the ear, it seemed to help. During winter, we put out the humidifier to keep the moisture in the air, it helps to fight the cold and cough.

David had recurred multiple ear infections within one month and his pediatrician prescribed daily low dose of amoxicillin to him for 6 months. He did not get any ear infection during and after the completion of antibody regime. Luckily, he has avoided the ear tube surgery.

Tom seems more resistant to the ear infection and had one ear infection only. It happened at the end of his cold, he lost weight and lost his piggy belly right away. We tried to give him apple juice and white bread and rice to help him to keep the food down. The other thing is that he could not have milk when he has a cold. The milk makes the diarrhea and vomiting worse.

Mommy, I look like you.

The youngsters have special bonds with their mommy. Because they know Mommy 10 months before they met their daddy.

Each time, if I say to my boys that you really look like Daddy, they become very mad. They want to look like "me"-Mommy all the time. Even David has light brown hairs, like his Dad. He would say that he has black hairs like Mommy. Tom exactly look like my husband, even my mother needs to admit it. However, Tom would cry if I tell him that he looks like Daddy.

Both of them want to look like Mommy, even they realize that Mommy is a girl, they and Daddy are boys. They do not want girls' toys, they do not want any pink color stuff. They still want to look like Mommy.

They make me feel special. They like to be closed to Mommy and snuggle with Mommy. They prefer Mommy dropping them and picking them up from the daycare. The twins would argue with each other to claim, " I am his mom-mom, he owns mommy by himself". It is very fun to hear they say " I love my lttle soft mom-mom" each night before the bed time.

My dear husband sometime feels sad because of kids' responses. They prefer sitting with Mommy, hugging with mommy and sleeping with mommy. The only time they want Daddy is if they want to play any computer/video related games. They know that Mommy is not interested in playing with them, therefore, they play with Daddy.

When the game is over, they want mommy again. It may be only for the children of young ages, the special bond between mommy and young children is so strong. I hope that bond between me and my twins will last forever.

They make me feel special. They want to look like me.

Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease

My kids' daycare often send out a notice if there is a child infected with some infectious diseases. Many of them were new to me, and they sounds exotic. Hand, foot and mouth disease (HFMD) is one of them. Because I heard of Foot-and-mouth diseases (FMD)(or hoof-and-mouth) that affects cloven-hoofed animals such as cattle, pigs, sheep and goats before, so I have to check if two diseases are related. According to CDC (Centers for disease control and prevention), HFMD and FMD are not related, and they are caused by two different virus. Coxackievirus such as A16 is the most common cause of HFMD. In the other hand, the animal FMD is caused by picornavirus. FMD is not a threat to human, and there is no health risk of FMD in people. Healthy adults infected by coxackievirus may not have any HFMD symptoms. Young kids are still developing their immunity and they are more susceptible to all the virus and pathogens.

The symptoms of HFMD are fever, poor appetite, malaise and sore throat. Painful sores may develop in the mouth, they begin as small red spots and then become ulcers. The sores are found on the tongue, gums, and inside of the cheeks. A skin rash may develop. Infected patients may have both or either of sores and/or skin rash.

The prevention is similar to other infectious diseases:

• Washing hands frequently
• Clean dirty surfaces and soiled items with chlorine solution, including toys
• Avoid close contact with people infected with HFMD

There is no specific treatment for HFMS, so it is treated as a cold/flu. Anti-fever and anti-pain medications may be applied.

Stop Using a Pacifier

Sucking is a comforting thing to do for babies. They start doing sucking in Mothers' Wombs and continue doing it after birth. The rule of thumb is that the longer your baby uses a pacifier, the more additive to it he/she will become. Pacifier can affect development of teeth and language. Obviously, it is hard to practice talking with a pacifier stuck in one's mouth all day.

How to stop a child using a pacifier? There are many suggestions out there, but at the end, the best way is the method suits your child.

We abruptly stopped Twins' pacifier using habit after multiple attempts using gradual approaches failed. They cried and demanded pacifiers when we took away pacifiers from them during the day and gave them back at night before the sleep. We aimed to gradually convert their habit, however, they were aware of availability of the pacifiers and worked out their way to get them. We finally decided to do it in a dramatic fashion. On the day, their grandmother flied home after her visiting, we told David and Tom that Grandma has took away all their pacifiers with her to Florida. There is no pacifier at home anymore. They were shocked by the news but they seemed to understand that no pacifier would be available anymore. A surprise to us was that they accepted the fact and adjusted their needs immediately. Two days after the announcement of "bye-bye" pacifier, they would tell me that they cannot have pacifiers because grandma took all of them away. They were 18 months old.

Someone may prefer doing it gradually. Every kid is different.